Sara and I text-RPed again. Sorry if you don't care because stupid tumblr won't allow me to put this under a read more. Premise is that Mrs. Hudson manages to drag Sherlock to a party because he feels guilty about the whole her getting beaten up thing.
Sara: How's the party going? is it a party? - JW
Me: Not there yet. This Glorianne lives a long, boring taxi ride away. Trying to carry on conversation with Mrs. Hudson. How is it normal people can make small talk all the time? And sound INTERESTED? - SH
Sara: Just look at her and nod and agree with everything she says. Even if you don't. and DON'T ARGUE. - JW
Me: Trying. Feeling as though my brain is melting.
I want a head massage for this when I get back. - SH
Sara: Well actually I was planning to go out tonight...
That was a joke - of course I'll give you a head massage.
What's she talking about now? - JW
Me: The smell of onions and mushrooms (she's bringing a dish to the party). I...ugh. Apparently texting while someone is talking is rude.
I told her it was just you and she said that it was fine then. And she gave me this smile like we both knew something even though I don't know what she was thinking.
...Is "the look" this aggravating? I apologise. - SH
Sara: Oh dear she thinks we're gay. Why does EVERYONE think we're gay? I'm not gay and as far as I know you're not gay (but if you are that's ok). Just. Ugh. And yes it really is that annoying. But I've gotten used to your looks. - JW
Me: I asked her if she thought we were together and she said if we were that was perfectly okay. Her tone was patronising. You know I only have affection of Mrs. Hudson but I do NOT like being patronised. Say something funny to distract me? - SH
Sara: Um....what does patronising mean? my stupidity's funny, right? - JW
Me: Very. Really, Watson. Dictionary.com exists for a reason. - SH
Sara: I'm not at the computer sherlock just tell me please - JW
Me: To look down on, as a father looks down on his child, with apparent kindness but without respect. Mrs. Hudson means well but IT IS AGGRAVATING. - SH
Me: Arrived. Too many people. No shortage of food, either. - SH
Sara: Ahh people. Glad i'm not there. but food is good - JW
Me: Craving absinthe. - SH
Me: And cigarettes. - SH
Sara: We agreed - cold turkey. - JW
Me: Bunch of old ladies making small talk with me though would kill for a cigarette ugh I'd better have the best head massage in the world waiting for me. - SH
Sara: Cold. Turkey.
And don't you always? - JW
Me: Don't I always what? - SH
Sara: Get the best head massages from me? - JW
The party is predominantly outside. Glorianne has a trampoline. Mood significantly improved. - SH
Sara: Forget what I said before I want to be there now. D: We should invest in a trampoline. - JW
Me: There are children at this party. I like children. They don't bother with the nonsense of small talk, they skip straight to assuming we're friends. Just bounced on the trampoline with a six year old girl. Apparently I'm Friend Bear from the Care Bears cartoon and a medical penguin from some other cartoon. I had to examine a patient and remove their tonsils. I felt like you. - SH
Sara: Aw that's adorable! did someone take pictures? if so i'd like a copy. - JW
Me: No pictures, sorry.
There are also a number of dogs here. We ought to get a dog, Watson. Think of the experiments I could perform! - SH
Sara: NO. NO NO NO NO NO. - JW
Me: Oh come on, Watson, it's not as if dogs are sentient.
There are also mildly alcoholic drinks. I daresay I am starting to enjoy myself (don't fret, I was never an alcoholic). - SH
Me: Someone is smoking. Can I ask him for a cigarette please please please please please please PLEEEEEEEESE? - SH
Sara: Yeah but...i don't like dogs...
And just don't drink TOO much.
And NO. SHERLOCK HOLMES. COLD. TURKEY. - JW
Me: Uggghhhhhhhhhhhh why must you force such suffering on me?
Could kill everyone at this party and get away with it could ask for a cigarette anyway and you wouldn't know but FINE I WILL SETTLE FOR INHALING HIS SECOND-HAND SMOKE just because I am expecting a head massage Watson you will be the death of me. - SH
Sara: Hey you wanted to be my flatmate. - JW
Me: At least the skull couldn't prevent me from smoking. - SH
Sara: You like me better than that skull and you know it. - JW
Me: SOMETIMES. - SH
Sara: ALL THE TIME AND YOU KNOW IT. ADMIT IT. - JW
Man with the cigarette gave me weird looks. I cannot express how much I do not care.
Eating all the chocolate things since I can't have nicotine and I don't care if it's inappropriate. - SH
Sara: Chocolate is good. I support this. - JW
Me: [photo of plate full of chocolate desserts] ALL THIS. - SH
Me: Have I ever compared you to a teddy bear, Watson? You are one. - SH
Sara: I approve of both the teddy bear comment and the chocolate. - JW
Me: Chocolate mousse with melted powdered sugar on top over a chocolate brownie. I am in nicotineless heaven and I don't think I'll be eating dinner. - SH
Sara: I want some now ugh why do you do this to me? - JW
Me: Little girl from before fell into the pool and looked to be drowning. Two old ladies jumped into the pool in their clothes and rescued her. Everyone is okay. Acceptable to be amused Y/N? - SH
Sara: No for she might've really been in trouble. - JW
Me: But she's fine and talking excitedly and now there are old ladies in soaked clothing. - SH
Sara: Ok fine but don't let the old ladies see you. - JW
Me: Others are joking about it. I am taking this as a free pass to be amused.
Old ladies fretting over my every miniscule injury. Ugh even you don't do this. - SH
Me: Little girl ran up and asked me what the cupcake was for. Apparently the old ladies find the answer "because I'm hungry and I want chocolate" to be absolutely hilarious. - SH
Me: The little girl's idea of a joke: "Why did the bear cross the road?" "Why?" "To get to the other slide!" "Why is there a slide on the other side of the road?" "Because I like slides!" I think she's rivaling you for comedy genius Watson. - SH
Me: [photo of Sherlock with little blonde girl] Here, a picture. - SH
Me: Should have brought a bathing suit. - SH
Me: Someone had a spare. I'm going swimming. - SH
Sara: God damn it I'll have to try harder. and have fun swimming! - JW
Me: Done swimming. We had adventures on our inflatable raft/ship. Little girl still wants to play. She is precious. I am never having kids. - SH
Sara: They'd just interfere with your detective work, wouldn't they? - JW
Me: And take up ALL of my time. - SH
Sara: And also because no one wants another Sherlock Holmes running around. I'm kidding. I would. - JW
Me: Got roped into playing baseball with some of the older kids. Dull. - SH
Sara: Someone needs to photograph this. Sherlock Holmes playing baseball! - JW
Me: I know I'd appreciate the intelligent company.
And there will be no photos.
Mrs. Hudson won't stop cheering for me. It's embarrassing. - SH
Sara: She's so cute. wait if you're playing right now why are you texting me? - JW
Me: I text while waiting for my turn to hit the ball or a dull moment in the outfield (there are many). - SH
Sara: This brings me back to my school days. So many dull moments in the outfield... - JW
Me: You played baseball? - SH
Sara: Had to. Physical education and all that. - JW
Me: Ah. That would be a sight to see. - SH
Sara: I wasn't very good - but you're probably no better! - JW
Me: What I lack in skill I make up for in commitment and determination. - SH
Sara: And yet it's dull. you're being a bit contradictive, Sherlock. - JW
Me: It's moderately exciting when it's my turn. - SH
Me: It is not my turn often. Hence, dull. - SH
Sara: More exciting than a case? We've got one of those by the way. - JW
Me: We do? Something from Lestrade? Details. Now. - SH
Sara: No from the pizza man. Kidding; yes from lestrade. someone's been murdered but the body's too mangled to figure out who. - JW
Me: Mrs. Hudson says we can't leave yet. Damn it Watson I can't stop fidgeting I want to see this body I'm considering commandeering a vehicle to get back to 221B. Any leads? - SH
Sara: Not yet. I'm sure you'd figure it out - JW
Me: If there were walls to climb I'd be climbing them.
Did you think it would be amusing to tell me we've got a case when I can't immediately start on it?
Male or female body? Why no purse or wallet on them? Where was it discovered? Who called the police? - SH
Me: [photo of Sherlock's aggravated face] WATSON. - SH
Me: Convinced Mrs. Hudson to leave we're packing up god I hope she doesn't take very long be there one long boring anxious taxi ride from now. - SH
Sara: To watch you squirm. I kid i'm sorry i shouldn't have mentioned it.
But they think female but it's so mutilated they can barely tell. And it's in a shack - some traveler found her. - JW
Me: Oh yes this sounds like it was done for the pleasure of it. Diseased mind. Very exciting. - SH
Sara: Can't wait to see what you come up with. - JW
Me: Blasted insects. Mrs. Hudson is taking forever to say goodbye and I got bitten and I'm itchy and antsy and DAMN IT I WANT TO GET ON THIS CASE. - SH
Me: Now Mrs. Hudson wants to eat before she leaves. She says it doesn't make sense to go home and eat at 221B when there's food here. I say it doesn't make sense to torture me by making me wait to see a body and she says it'll still be there when I get back. SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. I AM INSIDE THERE ARE WALLS NOW AND I AM CLIMBING THEM. - SH
Sara: *Kicks self for saying things* - JW
Me: You should be kicking yourself.
You know what would calm me down? A cigarette. - SH
Sara: DON'T YOU DARE. COLD. TURKEY. - JW
Me: Oh don't worry the man who smoked left already anyway.
Deducing things about the old ladies to occupy myself. Mrs. Hudson is giving me a look. It's not my fault some of them are unhappily married. - SH
Sara: What could you deduce about the little girl? - JW
Me: She lacks empathy. She is convinced she is endlessly fascinating and believes that her knowledge is universal knowledge because she didn't seem to understand me when I said I'd never watched the shows she had. She's the child of a single mother. The father either ran off or slept with the mother once and never had contact with her again. He had blond hair. The girl does not understand the concept of "busy." - SH
Me: Okay Watson that kept me occupied for a while but I'm still anxious and wondering whether Mrs. Hudson will allow us to leave WHILE THERE IS YET LIGHT. - SH
Sara: Why are you so keen on leaving while there's light? have you been turning into a werewolf? - JW
Me: Don't be ridiculous, Watson. I'm simply annoyed with Mrs. Hudson's slowness. Also if we spend the night working on this case I'll have to postpone the head massage until tomorrow night unless you are comfortable massaging my head with members of Scotland Yard as witness while I examine a mangled body. - SH
Sara: Then people would talk - JW
Me: Obviously. That was a sarcastic suggestion. - SH
Sara: I know - JW
Me: ...Oops. The little girl's father, ah, well, he was a proper father for a while and then he committed suicide. Recently. Ah.
"Bit not good," as you would say. - SH
Sara: Yeah. Bit not good, indeed. who told you that? - JW
Me: One of the old ladies.
Well that made Mrs. Hudson leave quickly. On our way back. She is not making small talk with me. - SH
Sara: Oh dear. - JW
Me: You must be rubbing off on me because now I'm wondering what the mother must have thought seeing me playing with her daughter. Grateful? Sad? Angry because I'm not the girl's father? I don't usually waste time contemplating things like this. - SH
Sara: I would hope grateful - the death was probably really hard on her. - JW
Me: Poor woman.
God look what you've done to me.
I need to see this mangled body, then I'll be happy. - SH
Sara: Soon, Sherlock, soon. - JW
Me: If you have any ideas for how to entertain me until I get back, feel free to put them into action. - SH
Sara: Um...i'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100 what is it? - JW
Me: Watson. No. - SH
Sara: Well what do you suggest? - JW
Me: Tell me what's going on with you? Or text whatever you last emailed to a girlfriend, that ought to be amusing. - SH
Sara: Not funny. >:[
and i'm working on something. - JW
What are you working on? - SH
Sara: Uninteresting things. You'd consider it a negative five. - JW
Me: Fair enough.
Bored. Bored bored bored and anxious I need my violin or a cigarette or just SOMETHING. - SH
Sara: You're getting a head massage will that help? - JW
Me: But you're not HERE to give it to me and once I get home we're going on the case so I won't need a head massage. Use logic. I need a distraction NOW, until I get home. - SH
Me: Be there in three minutes. Have my coat and scarf ready. - SH
Sara: Okay who am i thinking of: dark, tall, and handsome? - JW
Me: Me. - SH
Sara: Of course. And your hat? - JW
Me: Leave the bloody hat. It's a crime scene, not a photo op. - SH
Me: Was that "of course" in response to me being tall, dark, and handsome? - SH
Sara: It may become a photo-op. - JW
Sara: Yes - JW
Me: Lestrade is going to have to keep the bloody press away if he wants me to be able to think. - SH
Sara: I'm sure he will - JW
Me: Tsk. Don't you care that people might talk? - SH
Sara: It's not like they'll read our texts, Sherlock. - JW